It's Been Awhile

It's been a long time since I've posted here.  Life has changed a lot.

I'm still married to the same man, still working for the same company.  Still a union worker, still in an elected union position in my local.

It's been a shitty year.  We had a 4 week strike last fall, where, as a member of local leadership I found myself working 80 hour weeks to keep up with all that needed to be done to facilitate a 24-hour a day, 7 day a week picket line.  And yes, all for the same strike pay that everyone else received.

In my "off hours" I found myself drawn into social media drama and quickly burnt out.  I think I actually had a bit of break down. 

I had tons of work to do and catch up on after the strike as well. 

I went into the new year feeling good and within 2 weeks was delivered another blow on the union/labour side.  Dealing with labour division is no good for anyone, particularly not any of us in the working class.  It's a shame that those in power at the top cannot see beyond their own egos for the greater good.

I won my third election for my position in the spring.  I was opposed by someone I had considered a friend, and won by less that 100 votes.  We are no longer friends.

Shortly after my re-election I was the target of a coordinated effort by union sisters and brothers to prevent me from being elected as a delegate to our national convention, even though I was supported by my President and unit chair.  I actually went into a deep depression once I uncovered the level of deceit and betrayal I had been subjected to.

Tomorrow I am flying out to the national convention for my union, where I plan to tell them in person exactly what I think of their leadership and certain decisions that were made early in the new year, leading to labour movement division. 

It will be hard...my voice will shake...but I will persist and speak my truth.

Wish me luck, and send me strength and good vibes friends.
I'll need all the help I can get.

Overwhelmed

I'd been so hoping to post more here on a regular basis but I have to admit, life is so full, so busy, both professionally and personally, that it's been a challenge.

I am still new in my elected local union position.  Six months in and I am just starting to get comfortable and feel like I know what I'm doing.  I have plenty of confidence in my ability to do the job and allow myself the leisure of being human and making occasional mistakes, but I am hard on myself and put tougher deadlines on myself than anyone else ever could.  Yep.  Type A personality for sure.

Personally, I'm the same way.  My husband and I have bought a new house and are getting ready to list ours and I am pretty much taking on ALL the responsibility of that.

We have to move a lot of things out of our current house into storage to make it show-worthy.

Some of that is my fault.  I can't stand the way my husband can NOT organize anything in any type of logical fashion.  Even packing.  He will just throw things nilly willy into a box.  Not in any type of organized fashion.  By say, type of item, or by room, or by alphabet or...okay.  You get the picture.

And I can't stand the thought of in a couple of months down the road, having to UNpack that disorganized shit.

Okay, okay.  Yes.  I am a BIT of a control freak.  And therefore I bring this stress on myself in many ways, instead of being able to let go and let him do things his own way.

Oh well.  I'm not perfect.  Too bad.  It will get done.  Not quickly, but it will get done!

Schooled

It's been a hairy couple of weeks around here.  I've been busy finishing up the online accounting course I've been taking through my local community college.  It's actually an accounting program that I use to do the books at work. 

It was a very labour intensive course and with working full-time, plus OT, I found it very difficult to keep up with the workload.  Honestly, I think they went quite a bit overboard with the number of transactions they expected us to post each week.  I got  point of the lessons with at least half the number of transactions.

We had a final assignment due (on my birthday last Sunday) and then the final exam on Monday.  I took a couple of days off work in order to work on the final assignment.  I think I did fairly well.  I prepared as much as I possibly could for the exam.  Took a half day off work on Monday.  Studied from noon until 6pm.  The exam was at 7pm.  I had dinner and then at 6:30 started getting ready by opening all the proper files for the exam (after restarting my laptop to ensure it was at optimal running speed) and having all the proper windows open.  I followed the instructions to a tee. 

All went well with the exam itself, which was 3 hours long.  I found myself following the instructions and understanding most of what I was doing.   There were a couple of glitches but I worked through them.

Then at about 9:45pm I started uploading my files (there were 7 reports and a backup file) to the college's website.  We were told that the drop box would close at 10pm EXACTLY and no files would be accepted after 10pm.

Big mistake.  I should have started at 9:30.  Well, you can probably guess the rest.  My backup file was SO big and EVERYONE in the class was uploading at the same time, it took 26 minutes to finish.  And at 10:06pm when it FINALLY finished uploading (as I paced back and forth and yelled at my laptop and prayed to the gods of fast uploading speed to PLEASE HURRY THE FUCK UP!, I got a message that I was no longer authorized to view the page.  The dropbox was closed.  I was too late.  I was screwed.

I was SO upset, so frustrated, so angry!  I could not believe it!  I tried to email her to ask what I could do...no response.  I emailed her and attached all of the smaller files.  No response.  I tried to email her again attaching the large backup file.  It was too big.  It would not allow me to send it.  I tried to put the file into a zip folder and email that.  It was STILL too large to email.  I emailed her again.  No response.  Finally, I gave up for the night.  And had 2 glasses of wine.  And had the worst sleep ever because I was so friggin distraught!

I know, I know.  First-world problems.  It's not like anyone died.  Failing an exam or a course is NOT the end of the world.  But I was SO CLOSE! SO CLOSE!  To just have it snatched away like that...ugh!!!  And I am not a person who is used to failure in the academic sense at all.

So tonight, 2 days later I FINALLY got a response.  She said she would mark my exam.  OH.MY.GOD.  So happy!  She even reopened the dropbox for me to submit the large file, until 12 midnight tonight.  I submitted it twice, just to be on the safe side! lol

Wish me luck! :)

I've been going back and reading over a lot of my old blogs from about 5 years ago when I first started blogging.  I haven't done any blogging in quite some time.  Maybe it's time to start again.

My life seems so different from back then.

I am in a much more stable time in my life in many ways. 
My relationship is in a good place.  There is very little other than the normal day to day strife that life brings.

My job is about as stable as one could hope for these days.  I've been working steadily for the four and a half years since I was called back to my automotive factory job.  In fact, in the cyclical nature of our industry, we have been on a high of sales for several years (more than anyone could have ever predicted) and we have been working mandatory Saturday overtime shifts for almost five years now.  One day a week is NOT enough time to do all the shit one must do at home, like oh...cleaning, groceries, laundry and oh yeah, have a social life of any kind!!  But, I digress...

In that time, I have made great gains within my local union.  I have become well-known for my social activism and my involvement and last fall I was elected to a fairly prestigious position in my local union executive, even beating out a brother with a fairly long history with the company and some experience in the position.  I think some members saw voting me in as a way to start breaking up our local's perceived "old boys club". 

It's been a very interesting six months since my election!  I am thoroughly enjoying the job! 
AND, I think I am starting to put a crack in the old boys club and the mentality that says "we've always done it this way, so this is the way it should always be done."

I am not necessarily well-liked.  But I believe I am respected for standing up for what I believe in.

Personally, I am in an awesome place!  I have the perfect blend of my unique set of experiences to give me the ultimate job satisfaction.  I spent 13 years working in the financial industry, before being downsized and forced to take a job I did not like, but paid extremely well, in the auto manufacturing industry, as an auto worker in a factory.  Now, I get to work in an office as a financial secretary, using my brain and my skills and experience, while also still being a well-paid auto worker!!!  Hellz yeah!  I am at the best time of my life, both personally and career-wise! :)

My husband and I just put in an offer on a brand new, yet-to-be-built "executive-style" condominium townhome, perfect for our child-free, dual-income lifestyle. 

Financially, we're doing all right.  We're comfortable, as long as we're somewhat careful.  We get the chance to go south at least once a year and take a domestic Canadian holiday once a year.  We live in such a large country it will take us a long time to explore it all.  One day we will get to Europe.  Not for a few years though. That may be a retirement goal.

Health-wise, well could be better for me.  Due to being back in an office job I have once again seen the 200lb mark, which I haven't seen in over a decade.  I also find myself drinking more alcohol than I feel is necessarily good for me.  My job, as much as I enjoy it, also has an intensely political aspect which can be VERY stressful.  It takes its toll.  I will get back on track.  I am trying.  But I'm not going to hold myself to an unrealistic standard.

Stay tuned.  I am going to continue blogging.  I need an outlet and writing seems like as good an outlet as any...

Your rainbow is intensely shaded pink, yellow, and red.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is says about you: You are a passionate person. You appreciate everyone around you. You are a good listener and your friends are glad to have you around in difficult times. You're good at getting people to like you.

Find">http://spacefem.com/quizzes/rainbow">Find the colors of your rainbow at spacefem.com.

Birthday

It's my birthday next week.  I am an Aries.  A spring baby.  Every year around this time seems like a new beginning to me.  The real start of a new year.  What do I foresee for my future for the next year?  What do I wish for, hope for, dream of?

I wish for...peace.  Yes.  I know.  It's hokey.  But I do.
I hope for...more of the same.  Life is pretty good for me in all ways at the moment.  I would like that to last for awhile.
I dream of...a new home.  That is very close to being a reality later this year.  We have put a deposit on a new townhome/condo and will soon be listing our current townhome/condo.  I foresee no real problems with this transition.  I am excited for my husband and I to have a brand new, built to our specifications home.

I know that my job won't change much over the next year.  Unless it does.  But it won't.  After a year, it may very well change a lot.  But for the most part, that is out of my control.  So I'm not going to worry about it until the time for me to influence the circumstances are present.

My home life will change as we move from one home to another, going through the buying and selling process.  Moving sucks, let's face it.  It's just not a pleasant part of life, but the end result will be well worth it!

My family life...well it will move forward.  The kids, they keep getting bigger and older and smarter every year.  I hope to share more of their milestones and not miss too much of my nieces and nephews lives.  And now, my husband and I have a grandson.  Even though he is in a different province, I don't want to miss out on too much.  Especially not because I have to work so much.  Life is too short.  I want to see them grow up.  I want them to remember me when they grow up and have fond memories of their Auntie/Grandma.  I want to make a real difference in their lives.

I guess my real wish for the coming year, my 46th is that as I look to retirement and old age, is the hope that I am making a positive difference in the world.  It may be too late to make it with my generation.  I often feel that way.  But I hope it will affect the next generation.  I hope they know that everytime you try something, it is not for naught.  It really does count.  In so many ways.

Two Funerals and a Lottery Win

Last Friday I worked the 3 to 11pm shift. About 10pm I got 2 messages on my Blackberry. One was a text from my husband, which was not that unusual, but saying that my Dad had called, which was kind of unusual on a weekday evening. The other was a voicemail message from my Dad.

At 10pm on a weekday, I knew immediately that something was up.

When I was relieved for my washroom break, I called my husband first. He passed on my Dad's message, which was twofold.

First, he told me, my Dad's cousin Coral had passed away. Coral had been 72. She was also married to my Mom's cousin Gus, so we were related to her on both sides of the family. I knew she had not been well for sometime. I learned today that she had passed away from cancer.

While this was very, very sad and I certainly felt a great deal of sympathy for the family and particularly her daughter who is only a couple of years older than I and a childhood playmate, I knew he wouldn't call just for that.

"And also", he said, "your aunt was killed in a car accident tonight."

"What? Oh my God! Which one?" I shouted. Meaning, which aunt, as I have a large Dutch/Belgian family and have several aunts on each side.

I was standing outside in the smoking area, and thankfully, no one else was out there.

"Rita."

"No! Oh my God! What happened? How?"

He went on to pass on the little information he'd been given. She had been on her way to work in the early evening (6:30pm, I later learned) and had been t-boned by a pick-up truck that had run a stop sign.

No. Not Rita. She had always been in my life. Part of my extended family. Always there at family functions. I would not say that we were particularly close, but when I think of family she is one of the people that I consider to be in "my circle" if you know what I mean.

All day long I've been reliving childhood memories that include my Aunt Rita. I just can't believe she's gone, that I will never hear her distinctive, high-pitched voice again. I can't believe that the last time I saw her, last November at our annual women's gathering for that side of the family, is that last time I will ever get to see or speak to her.

She lived for her family, for her many, many grandchildren, and I can't begin to imagine the depth of their grief today.

She was also very special to my other set of cousins. Rita and her sister Bernice were married to my Mother's two brothers, Gus and Lenny. Two sisters married two brothers. And I always felt that their two sets of 5 children, my 10 cousins, shared a special bond to which me and my siblings would always be outsiders. I am sure that Gus and Bernice's family are grieving today, almost as much as Lenny and Rita's own family.

Saturday I felt the need to be near my own family and my husband and I took the 45 minute drive out to my parents small town home. We talked about Rita and about Coral and the events of the week. It was good to talk to other people who had known her. While my husband had met her briefly at various family functions, he did not really know her as I had.

Rita is only the second of my aunt/uncles' generation to have passed away in my family. The other was my Uncle Ron, my Dad's brother, who had died of a brain tumour back in the 70's, leaving his wife and 3 children behind.

I guess at age 42, it's probably kind of unusual that, besides all 4 grandparents, there haven't been more family deaths til this point. I guess we've been blessed. It doesn't really feel like it at the moment, but I need to find some kind of blessing in this.

My aunt's funeral was actually quite beautiful. It was a full Catholic funeral mass complete with Holy Communion and was exactly what Rita would have wanted and deserved, as she was a devout and faithful Catholic, all of her life. Even after several years of not attending Mass, the responses and actions came to me as if I'd been doing them every week.

The gathering with the family I felt was very cathartic and I was simply amazed at the strength of my female cousins. There are 3 sons and 2 daughters and it was evident that Rita's daughters, like she herself would have, had taken charge of the situation. I pray that they can find solace and peace in the coming weeks and months.

My Mother informed me that the weekend wasn't all bad news however. My Dad's sister Angie had won $100,000 in the lottery this week! It is always nice to hear when this happens to someone who truly needs and deserves it. She is retired but was finding it very difficult to make ends meet. She had been a school bus driver for a couple of years after retiring, but recently had to quit to find a higher paying job in a factory. I know that this money will really help her and her 3 sons and their families.

Two deaths in one day and a lottery win in the same week. It's been one bizzaro week! I guess it's a good example of the cycle of life's ups and downs. Life and death. Hope and sorrow.

I'm still trying to process it all.

Stay safe out there.

Outcast AKA Being True to Myself

I am used to being unpopular amongst a certain demographic. 

Namely, conservative, white, heterosexual middle-aged/old males. 

And that's okay.  I understand about white, male, heterosexual privilege, and even that I fit into 2 of these 3 categories.  I understand that a woman who is progressive in the human rights, labour activist movement, while employed in the automotive industry which is populated mainly by, you guessed it, white, middle-aged/older, heterosexual males, often makes for a atmosphere of animosity.

And yet, there are still many people in my workplace, in my industry, in the labour/activist movement who are on the same page as me.  I have friends and allies.  Lots of them.

I thought though, that I also had a core group of friends in my personal life.  Women  whom I've known for well over a decade, for far longer than I've been involved in the labour/activist movement, from when I was a corporate career girl.  Women that transcended those divides.

I was wrong.

My job has long hours.  The company I work for is extremely successful and as a result, we are obligated to work 48 hours a week.  So yes, we work Saturdays probably more than two thirds of the year.  I often have to say no to social invitations.  And if I don't have to say no due to working, it's often due to being so tired I cannot contemplate leaving the house.

After a couple of years of this pattern, I was no longer being invited to nearly as many social gatherings with my friends.  I understood and accepted this as the natural evolution of our friendship.  And I was okay with it.  Not happy, but okay.

Until yesterday.

One of my friends, Candy, moved to a big city about year ago and made mention of coming back home for the weekend on Facebook, as she regularly does.

Another friend, Mary, with whom I am much closer than the rest of the girls (we stood up for each other in our respective weddings)  texted me and asked me if I'd heard about the spa weekend.  I hadn't.

She proceeded to tell me that she had had a conversation with Candy after asking her why she was coming home for the weekend.  Candy seemed surprised that Mary didn't know about the spa weekend, and was even more surprised when Mary revealed that she hadn't been invited. 

Candy proceeded to tell her that our friends were probably concerned that if they invited Mary, that she would bring me with her.  And they didn't want to see me.

Oh. Ouch.

Why didn't they want to see me?  Well, as it turns out, my group of girlfriends are friends with two women who happen to be married to two men who work where I work.  Two, middle-aged, white, heterosexual males.  Yeah.  You get the picture.

I am no particular fan of these men or their wives, and clearly the feeling is mutual.  In fact, one of these "men" actually tore down my election posters last fall when I ran for and consequently won, a fairly prestigious union position. 

The majority of employees at my workplace have been there since the company opened 25 years ago.  There was not another significant hiring until 2005, when I was hired along with about 600 others.  There have been a couple of hundred people hired since then in 2009/2010.

In the election I ran against a fellow who had had some training in the job.  A middle-aged, white, heterosexual married man.  Most of the people who supported my competition were, you guessed it, white, older/middle-aged, heterosexual men with 25 years of seniority, who saw me as jumping the queue and taking away a position from someone who had "paid his dues" and "put in his time" and "deserved" a chance to get a nice cushy office job with the union, regardless of the fact that I was clearly the most qualified candidate. 

Luckily, the majority of the union members (I received a third more votes than my competitor) recognized this. I think another factor in my favour, voiced by several people, including many white, middle-aged, heterosexual men, wanted to see the "old boys club" in our union ended.  They saw voting me in as a way to begin this process. 

So, the two men who are married to the friends of my friends did not like me.  As a consequence, their wives did not like me.  Other life events happened.  I got married, had nieces and nephews, moved closer to my work and was working 48-54 hours a week.  I did not have the same amount of time to hang out with my friends, we grew apart.  We still got together once or twice a year.  I was okay with this, thinking it was just a natural progression.

Until yesterday.  To actually hear that my company is not wanted because the opinions of my political opposition has infiltrated my circle of friends was disconcerting, disappointing and utterly hurtful.  I am hurt.  I am angry.  I immediately Facebook "unfriended" at least three of the worst offenders.  Not all of them.  But I will likely never see any of those women in the same light again.

Yes, I know, it's time to move on and let go of the past and realize who is important in my present.  It's time to understand that some friends are best left in the past and that the memories of yesterday are nicer than the realities of today.

But I am still hurt.  And quite frankly, still pissed off!

But I'll be okay.  Changed.  But okay.

Bad Day

It didn't start out being a bad day really. I mean, I had to go into work for mandatory overtime, but we were able to leave after 4 hours, so I was out of work at a decent time. The hours actually spent at work were good enough. A decent enough day, nothing horrible, even rather pleasant. I drove home from work and when I got home noticed that my Blackberry was blinking. A Facebook notification. I am pretty active on Facebook and regularly post my status, how I'm feeling, links to interesting (to me anyway) articles or sites, as well as political posts. I'm left-leaning to the extreme. Pretty much a Socialist. But hell, I am Canadian! I have plenty of "friends" who are also politically left-leaning. People who want to live in a country where ALL its citizens are taken care of, which is a better place to live for us all. However, I realize that there are alternate points of view. Some of them are even valid. Certainly my parents have a different point of view. I accept this and try my best not to provoke political arguments with my Dad, who loves a good confrontation, just for the fun of it. As passionate as I am, I am not inherently confrontational. I will stand up for myself and others when the need arises, but I don't like to have to yell or frankly, be yelled at or ridiculed much. I doubt many people do. My parents know that if they post something on Facebook, I will probably comment on it. Well, apparently tonight, my Dad decided to post something of a political nature, in order to bait me for a comment. Yep, I took the bait, but I didn't leave a nasty comment, just laughed (lmao) at his lame post. The problem started when my sister decided to chime in, to let me know that in fact, I was a sucker for taking the bait. Normally I don't think I'm really thin-skinned, but for some reason that comment really, really rankled. My sister and I normally have a very good relationship. Respectful and loving. But once in awhile she tends to make very, in her words, "honest" comments. In my words, cruel. For instance, last weekend I had a party at my place. I don't entertain often, but my husband and I have been working hard on doing improvements to our condo and I thought it would be nice to have friends over. She loudly declared that she hated the colour of our walls and didn't like my bathroom towels. Oh, and by the way, also didn't like my current Facebook profile picture because it was too "posed". Yeah, it was, but it was also a hot picture of me and I looked great in it! Comments that were completely unnecessary. And cruel. Honest, but cruel. I tried to shrug them off as alcohol-fueled, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that they had been "niggling" at me all week. Add to the fact that I've been feeling very dark and depressed for a couple of weeks, probably as a result of the fact that it was my 42nd birthday this week and this one affected me like none before. Then, when I saw her Facebook comment tonight, I lost it! I cried, like I have honestly not cried in years. I didn't even cry like that when my husband and I were having marital problems and were discussing separating. I had a few drinks and posted some choice tidbits on Facebook and changed my profile picture to a hand holding up the middle finger. lol! Yeah, that was kind of funny! I took it off and now there is no photo. Then I logged off of Facebook and thought it best to remove myself from drinking and posting for awhile., I told my husband that I refuse to participate in my family's Easter Dinner next weekend and he booked us for a weekend in Niagara Falls. At this point, I don't think I will let anyone know that we won't be there or even where I am. I think I will also avoid Facebook for the week. I don't want to post anything that I'll regret too much. So far, I don't regret any of the several Harper-Conservative facts that I posted on my parents Facebook wall! lol! http://shitharperdid.ca.nyud.net/ You know, I am a passionate person, I am a good person. I care about my country, my husband, my family, my friends, my coworkers, neighbours and many others. I try my best to be true to myself, yet kind to others. I'm not perfect, but I don't deserve to be treated like a joke. Particularly not by my own family. So, I think I'll just take a little break from the world, until I cool off.

What A Difference...

Well, what a difference a couple of weeks and a couple thousand kilometres can make in one's perspective on life. Last week I went to visit my husband in the province where he has been been on a business trip since the end of April. At that time I was convinced it was the end of our marriage, but agreed to see a marriage counsellor, because I felt I owed him, and our relationship, that much. Wow. What a difference it made. She was just a young (26) new counsellor, but she had a way of speaking to us (me) in a way that really hit home. One of the things she said was that with my recent 65lb weight loss, I was going through an identity crisis (as opposed to a mid-life crisis, which my husband labelled it as) and that I was trying to find my new place in my relationship with my husband within our marriage, and I realized that she was absolutely right! She also made us realize that space (physical) is a huge issue for us, and we have decided that in order to save our relationship, the first order of business is to find a bigger place to live. We currently live in a 2 bedroom apt condo that I bought when I was a 28 year old single woman. I've realized that the space just isn't enought for the two of us to live in, plus to run Mac's business from. Also, we need a place that is "ours", as opposed to "mine" and one that he is just "living in". So, long story short, he is coming home in a few weeks when he is done his business on the east coast, and we are going to continue counselling and look for a new place to live to save our relationship. And I am feeling SO MUCH better about life all around! :) Cheers!