More Baby Dreams

I had yet another of my infamous and recurring baby dreams last night. Well, early this morning, I should say. I wake up very early for work, at about 4AM. I work at 5AM. I woke up at about 3:20AM to pee and decided to get that few extra minutes sleep. I dreamed about a baby boy. I was holding him in my arms and about to nurse him. I knew he was mine in the dream, but I don't remember much more than that. He was very young, and had the wrinkled look of a newborn. He had brown fuzz on his head and his dark eyes were open looking at me, waiting to be nourished. Not crying or anything...just waiting. He was in a blue and white striped flannel blanket. I don't remember much more than that. Just holding him in crossways on my lap and looking down at him, about to nurse him. My breast was exposed. However, it was my right breast, but his head was on the left side. Kind of a strange thing to dream about for a woman who's never given birth to a child. I suspect that it has a lot to with a phone call I got from my sister this week who is 4.5 months pregnant. She just had an ultrasound and found out she is having a boy. I think it might also have to do with my feelings about my husband. He had just come to bed around 3AM. We haven't slept together for awhile because he was on the road for business for about 8 weeks, and then when he came home last week he brought his 11 year old, Jonas-Brothers-obsessed niece with him. She lives with her family in another province and it was her first time to Ontario. We only have a one-bedroom apartment (well, it's two bedrooms, but the other bedroom is a very small office) so Mac slept on the couch and Lillian slept in our queen-sized bed with me. Ugh! So glad THAT'S over! Don't get me wrong, she was a perfect house-guest, very polite, not at all demanding, didn't require a lot of entertaining and was content to hang around the house all week while we worked, but she has a habit of sleep-walking and talking and her arms and legs were everywhere in her sleep! When you have to get up at 4AM everyday that does NOT make for a great night's sleep. So last night was the first time I've gotten to sleep with my husband in quite some time. I was a little perturbed that he waited to come to bed so late, just before I had to get up for work. Back to the dream, I think it might symbolize the fact that, now that he's home, I know he's going to be depending on me to help him a lot more with his business projects, because he's got so much on the go. And we all know how I feel about that. One other thing...I've gone on a serious diet and exercise program in the last 6 weeks and have lost about 15 lbs so far. I am on Jenny Craig and have to eat the J.C. food, which hubby cannot partake of, so he's not very happy about the two of us eating separate meals or about me not cooking him dinner. He's an adult so I figure he can darn well fend for himself and get his own meals. The diet has been a bit of a bone of contention between us since he's been home. He has a tendency to sabotage me when I diet. When I lost 30lbs about 3 years ago he constantly did it by ordering take-out deliberately that he knew I liked or by distracting me from going to the gym and hijacking my time with his business. I told him straight up that I will not put up with that again, and yet he's still done things to sabotage me. But everytime he does it I call him out on it. He's jealous when I lose weight. Jealous because A) he has quite a bit of weight to lose himself and B) he thinks I will leave and find someone else, or cheat on him. I've never given him reason to think that, but yet, it's a bone of contention. The last time I lost the weight he used to say to me, "Oh, so you're going to the gym eh? Or are you going to SEE Jim?" Ridiculous. Accusations in a joking way, but I could tell he was half serious about them. I've decided that I can only be responsible for me and he has to be the one to take responsibility for his own health. He talks about it, but never really takes action. I really fear he might have a heart attack or something. He leads such an unhealthy, sedentary lifestyle. He eats take-out all the time and either drives everywhere or gets things delivered. Oh yeah, he also smokes. To top it all off. I would like him to be healthy and try to encourage him, but in the end I can only be responsible for my actions. And that's what I'm doing. Wow, this turned into quite the post...but maybe that's what dreaming about that boy baby was all about, my boy, wanting nourishment. And security.